If Programming Languages Were Cars…
Programming languages are a great deal like cars. Each of them is designed to help you get from one place to another. Some do it with supreme ease, while others are designed for rougher, more challenging terrain. Some programming languages are designed with features that make them easy for beginners to use; others are for trained professionals only. With that in mind, if each of the following 5 programming languages was a car, this is the type of car it would be.
1. PHP = Honda Civic
Reliable, functional, and user-intuitive, PHP is the Honda Civic of programming languages. Like many programming languages, it uses a series of { } braces to denote actions. However, like a Civic, it’s equally great for metaphorical highway or city driving. Whether you need a website page to do something simple like automatically send an email to a newsletter recipient, or design a complex ecommerce section that can calculate prices based on a user’s geographical region, PHP takes it all in stride. Plus, you always get great mileage: the commands have been structured to be relatively interchangeable. Once you learn the basic set of instructions, you can start writing custom scripts virtually overnight. The bracketing is simple: it’s all about symmetry. If you’re missing a bracket, then you can’t finish a command. Much as a Honda will give you a specific warning light when something is wrong with the engine, PHP will tell you what line of code has the error. That’s about as incredibly helpful and useful as it gets.
2. JavaScript = 2003 Audi TT
Initially introduced as a way to animate basic actions on a webpage like the navigation bar or keep the weather and time updated to a user’s location, JavaScript is classy, sleek, and occasionally just a little too smart for itself. In other words, it’s an Audi TT. Much like the TT, when it’s working, JavaScript is beautiful to behold. In the way that JavaScript seems to effortlessly enliven rollover graphics and make users feel as if they are the most special visitors to a website, a TT glides through traffic without a sound while attracting envious whispers and outright envy. Of course, when JavaScript isn’t working, it just sits there, smug and uninvolved. Nothing moves and the website suffers, but JavaScript’s error messages are oblique and somewhat condescending. Likewise, the TT has no patience for people who don’t know what’s going on. If you’re not smart enough to figure out what’s wrong, then you don’t deserve to operate it. For this reason, JavaScript tends to be used only by professionals or teams of web designers. It’s not for beginners. You have to earn the privilege.
3. Perl = BMW
Perl initially was written as a high level method to make report processing easier, just as the BMW was initially designed as a high performance vehicle. Thanks to careful, attentive engineering, both Perl and the BMW have become known for their incredible quality and high performance. Perl has since become popular for a variety of different intense programming applications, including finance, graphics, and network programming, just as the BMW is regularly used for high profile racing applications and luxury vacations. Both the BMW and Perl are known for their power. Perl’s flexibility and adaptability, combined with its rugged staying power, has made it a perennial favorite among dedicated programmers. The BMW’s exquisite engineering has made it a favorite among gear heads and auto enthusiasts.
4. ActionScript = Jeep Cherokee Offroader
Used primarily in visual programming applications like Flash, ActionScript is made for fun. Programmers who have no idea what the difference is between an object and an action don’t have to spend too much studying the book before they can start making images pop and colors explode. Much as a Jeep Cherokee designed for off-roading doesn’t require a genius to drive it, ActionScript is ready made for those programmers who love adventure and aren’t afraid of getting a little dirty in the process. Sure, maybe you end up in a weird dry creek bed with one tire stuck in the muck, but you’ve just managed to cross over a really gnarly pile of rocks in only a few jumps. ActionScript allows programmers to quickly assemble relatively complex visual montages by dropping in a few well-placed commands, naming some objects, and then making them dance. Refinement (read: non-jumpy transitions between actions) is for those who have tired of the thrill of exploring just what’s out there in terms of new graphical territory and effects.
5. C = Model A
It’s classic, it’s kind of clunky, and it rattles alarmingly if you try to make it go too fast, but virtually no other programming languages would exist without it. Welcome to C, the Model A of most modern programming languages. C set the template for what a programming language could and should be: namely, a relatively interchangeable language that completely redefined how people exchanged information on computers. Like the Model A was an improvement on the Model T, C was an improvement over its predecessor programming language “B”.
Much as the initial factory workers at Henry Ford’s plant earned big bucks, the first C programmers were pulling down some hefty salaries for their expertise. As technology has progressed, knowing only C won’t quite get you the same amazing job opportunities as it once did, but it’s never a waste of time. In the way that Model A’s introduced affordable personal transit, C helped make computer programming accessible to the masses at a time when computer programmers were largely regarded as ridiculous nerds. Now that our world is increasingly virtual, the inventors of C have a special place in history as visionary explorers of a new information terrain.
