Leave it to 2012 to make the drinkin'-est holiday of the year fall on a Saturday. St. Patrick's Day is upon us, and there's no doubt you'll be going out for a few green beers. You probably haven't let loose since New Year's, and now's your time to pick up the slack. From fiction to film to freaks, check out these nine nutty Irishmen who will put your raucous behavior to shame.
Even though these days he's cleaned up his act, former late-night playboy and A-list Irish actor Colin Farrell once quipped, "The closest thing I have to a nutritionist is the Carslberg Beer Co." Even though he's now a dad who's nuttier about his children than his social life, Colin Farrell's past antics are a great model for the serious St. Patty's Day enthusiast.
If you'll be overindulging on St. Patty's Day, consider nursing your hangover with some classic comedy. The crass and calamitous Irish-American has funny songs, movies, and books — or you could just go for a Rescue Me marathon. If you need inspiration while you're out on the town, Leary would recommend shouting póg mo thóin to any St. Patrick's day revelry haters. It means "kiss my a–" in Gaelic, and, according to Leary, it's "fun to say."
This fictitious Irish gypsy from the 2000 Guy Ritchie film Snatch is played perfectly by Brad Pitt. O'Neil comes across as a degenerate punk, getting blackout drunk at his mother's wake, causing trouble, and starting fights — professional or otherwise.
St. Patrick's Day is the perfect time to join Team Coco. You can theme your party after Conan Vs. Bear, or be just like the funnyman and get blitzed off of Irish Rickey's with your chick friend that has the cutest apartment, plays on Pinterest all day, and knows how to make a perfect souflee. For Coco, that friend is Martha Stewart.
If you're planning on taking some E and going to a St. Patty's Day rave, you've either really jumped the shark in your life, or you're taking after Graham Norton. The celebrated BBC talk show host and Irishman caused an uproar in 2006, when he mentioned that MDMA (street name: ecstasy) is "fantastic."
This Irishman has rocked his way around the world, playing for Def Leppard, Thin Lizzy, Whitesnake, and being the original guitarist for the epic band Dio. If you're out and about this St. Patty's Day, make sure to celebrate this crazy awesome shredder by rocking "Rainbow in the Dark" on every jukebox you see during your pub crawls. Give the people what they want this March 17th. And what they want is face-rocking metal.
"You're on Earth. There's no cure for that."
"The end is in the beginning and yet you go on."
"Nothing is funnier than unhappiness."
"People are bloody ignorant apes."
"I pause to record that I feel in extraordinary form. Delirium perhaps."
Be you an existentialist or a mere insane person, try spending this St. Patrick's Day downing Irish Car Bombs and quoting the absurdist playwright's works, which include the bleak classic Endgame (recently and near-brilliantly interpreted by the Houston avant-garde Catastrophic Theatre) and perennial favorite Waiting for Godot.
And if you're really getting literary this St. Patrick's Day, try to emulate the life of Irish writer Oscar Wilde. Certainly a wild one, the 19th century dandy brought the world such greats as The Importance of Being Earnest and The Picture of Dorian Gray. Living far beyond his means and known as a life-long party animal, Oscar Wilde could out-drink, out-wit, and out-class even the most hardy of the St. Patrick's Day revelers.