Move over Twilight; the equally popular book-turned-film, The Hunger Games, is out now and it's got every teeny-bopper in a frenzy. With all this post-apocalyptic talk buzzing around, we can't help but wonder what would really happen if people had to fight to the death in a televised battle with the last person alive bringing home food to their impoverished families. Well, let's hope that day never comes, but in the meantime, there's no harm in pretending. And why not start with celebrities? Here are nine contestants we'd kill to see in real-life Hunger Games. (Photo source: Wikipedia; qualifies as fair use under the United States copyright law)
- Considering her utter lack of skills and talent, Kim Kardashian would probably be one of the first contestants to go down in a real-life Hunger Games battle. Not to mention, her famous derriere would be an easy target for Katniss' bow and arrows. Kim's best defense would be to do what she does best – just sit and look pretty. That might get her extra air time, like she really needs it.
- Watch out Hunger Games, The Biebs is in the building, er, outdoor arena! Considering how many times the pop singer been swarmed by crazy teeny-bopper fans, there's no doubt it would happen again in a real-life Hunger Games battle. But something tells us all it would take is for him to sing "Baby" or one of his other ear-piercing songs to scare his opponents away.
- Snookie might be small and, well, stupid, but she'd be pretty entertaining in a real-life Hunger Games battle. The self-proclaimed guidette has no real mob skills to offer in a gruesome duel, but she could definitely use her sky-high poof to nest deadly jabberjays and tracker jackers and use them on her opponents.
- Kanye West would be too busy interrupting President Snow to actually make it to a real-life Hunger Games battle, but if he were to get picked, he would have a hard time getting anyone to send him weapons, food, or medicine. And we all know Kanye can't take it when he isn't the center of attention.
- Lindsay Lohan would be even more disastrous in the Hunger Games than she is in real life, but she would definitely keep things interesting with her never-ending drama. Let's just hope the Cornucopia is stocked with cigarettes and booze to keep this prima donna going, or she'll end up being the wolf mutts' next dinner.
- Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino might have a chiseled six pack and a mean fist pump, but these things don't mean diddly in a real-life Hunger Games battle. Just a few more hours in the sun and The Sitch might be able to camouflage himself from tracker jackers and other tributes, but let's face it: his best option would be to forfeit by banging his head into a cement wall like he famously did on Jersey Shore.
- Who wouldn't love to see Paris Hilton get knocked off in a gruesome Hunger Games battle? Not only does the hotel heiress know nothing about roughing it (oh, except for that time she got paid to do farm work and clean on The Simple Life), but she also has no skills to bring to the table. She might draw a few laughs for the wrong reasons, but in the end she'd probably die from eating poisonous berries that she thought were, you know, gum.
- We already know that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (aka "Speidi") suck at competing in reality TV game shows, as per their failed attempt on I'm a Celebrity…Get Me out of Here! But, there's no shame in admitting that you'd get a kick out of watching the married couple's ridiculous meltdowns and bickering before they both get clobbered by rocks or attacked by wolf mutts.
- Let's be honest; most people would love to see Chris Brown get his butt kicked in a real-life Hunger Games. Chances are audience members would even go to the trouble of sending him food and weapons just to see him continue to flip out on live TV. But it wouldn't be long before karma comes back to bite him, and hopefully it's a pack of carnivorous golden squirrels who get to do it.