8 Features You Probably Won’t Find on the iPad 3

[del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Mixx] [Reddit] [StumbleUpon] [Twitter] [Email]

Ever since Apple revealed that they'd be making a special announcement on March 7, the geek world has been buzzing with what the good news will be. Most signs point to the release of the iPad 3 (or potentially the iPad 2S), but the updated features that most tech blogs are talking about are still just rumors. The most likely upgrades to the tablet are a higher resolution Retina screen, like that of the iPhone, and 4G compatibility. Several other possible upgrades and new features are roaming the Internet right now. We don't know which of these are going to happen, but there are some features we can definitely rule out. Don't count on these eight features being part of the upcoming announcement.

  1. Anti-gravity

    A proven technology for anti-gravity doesn't actually exist yet, but that's probably the only way that the newer iPad would weigh less than the iPad 2. Alleged photos of the upgrade show that the newer version might be about .81 mm thicker than the previous one, not a huge difference but an unexpected one in a world where technology tends to slim down as time wears on. Bloggers are anticipating a longer-lasting battery and a larger camera, which may contribute to the increase in size. While the weight may not change significantly, you have to admit a weightless tablet would be pretty awesome.
  2. Hologram technology

    Sure, you can use Face Time or a Skype app to look at someone while you talk to them from across the country, but with all the 3-D hype lately, it can't be too far off in the future when we can see a real-time 3-D hologram of our loved ones. Unfortunately, that time hasn't come yet. Researchers said in 2010, it would be at least another seven to 10 years before the technology would be viable for consumers, so maybe this will be a feature of the iPad 11. You'll just want to avoid using it on days when you feel fat; holograms probably aren't very flattering.
  3. An alternative energy source

    Apple fanatics are crossing their fingers for batteries that last longer between charging or at least increase the power, but the improved batteries will most likely still be the same lithium-ion type batteries Apple uses for all of its cordless devices. Many mobile device companies are researching possible ways to go greener when users power up. In the future, we might be using tablets powered by solar energy, radio frequency, or even soda or alcohol. At least with lithium-based power, we aren't tempted to gulp down the energy source.
  4. Air bags

    If you've ever dropped an iPhone or iPad and had the screen shatter, you might be disappointed that there isn't some kind of airbag like you find in your car to protect your precious device from your clumsiness. While traditional airbags won't ever find their way onto the sleek Apple products, Apple did acquire a patent in November 2011 for a shock mount that would help keep glass screens safe. The patent allows for several different solutions, including a tiny bladder that would expand when it sensed a fall or glass that would retract partially. These innovations are probably not fleshed out enough to be included in the new iPad judging from the variety of ideas in the patents, but you never know.
  5. A teleporter

    It's 2012. Why don't we have a teleporter yet?! Even though the company will not be adding a teleporter to the iPad 3, we have a feeling Apple has probably developed it and is keeping it under wraps since the consequences would be too far-reaching. Kids who get to use iPads in school would constantly teleport themselves out of class to the movies or candy stores. Instead of breaking in, thieves would just teleport into your house. Teenagers would be able to sneak into bars much more easily. On second thought, we're thankful this technology hasn't been added quite yet.
  6. Mind-reading capability

    After adding the ever-helpful Siri to iPhones in 2011, the next venture for Apple to pursue is, obviously, mind reading. Someday we'll look back on the iPad 3 and think, "What was the big deal? It couldn't even write a text directly from my brain!" For now, let's just be thankful we still have the chance for the hilarious mistakes that come from the flawed Auto Correct feature.
  7. A Weird Science program

    Ever since 1985 when the dream movie of every geek came out, tech wizards have been using their free time to try to figure out how to create a program like the one in Weird Science. Or at least that's what we assume. In the classic John Hughes film, two teenage guys feed a bunch of information and images relating to their dream girl into a computer, hook a Barbie up to the machine, and create the perfect woman. Even with the potentially larger battery of the new iPad, it's unlikely that you could power a transformation of this kind. Plus, Apple probably chose a headphone jack over installing a Barbie outlet.
  8. A reasonable price

    Break open your piggy bank and scour the couches for loose change. The new iPad is definitely going to cost a pretty penny. Educated guesses put the starting price at $579, a jump above the current $499 price of the Wi-Fi-only 16GB iPad 2. Though it'll be easier to argue whether the price hike is worth it or not after the specific upgraded features are announced, the average American would agree that's more than chump change. If you thought the iPads would get cheaper as their novelty wore off, you forgot the incredible appeal of Apple products to those who have to have the latest and greatest. If you're not one of those, you'll probably just want to wait until the next version comes out and the iPad 3 is discounted.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *